Yeah, so my gf and I broke up - but we're venturing into the post apocolyptic "living together" mode. And yeah, wtf.
What happens first are the requests to have me sleep in her room - as friends. And yeah we could sleep as friends because when we slept as lovers we really just slept. No problem, but my mind says separate rooms = clarity of division. I won't budge on that.
Second, we cook dinner, shop, have the same habits, same after work routine, same time spent together. My solution = spend the night at a friends. The conclusion on her part was jealousy, accusations of sex, clearly not seeing the break up as in effect and my need to make space between us - and basically me have a life.
And as it progresses, as we live our separate lives, separate but together in this small apartment, we work through the heart ache that comes with the break up. No small feat but worth my effort.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Perspective
Since the earthquake in Haiti - a mental shift. I was feeling lost, but now I feel some kind of found. My physical reality hasn't changed and won't for a while - but my mental reality has.
Not that Haiti wants another blan to show up - they have enough of the blan right now to annoy them in their time of trouble, but eventually people will need to be employers and not just aid workers. Stopping the bleeding is providing jobs. I want to do that - even if it's just a few people.
Not that Haiti wants another blan to show up - they have enough of the blan right now to annoy them in their time of trouble, but eventually people will need to be employers and not just aid workers. Stopping the bleeding is providing jobs. I want to do that - even if it's just a few people.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Difference Between Me & Them
I thought there was a chasm separating us. I had watched them design and create leather goods out of thin air... sample boxes pouring in weekly. Fascinated with their trend meetings, leather swatches, trips to Asia I stood in awe of them.
Though I was head of a department which assisted their sales team during market week, I felt like I was missing out. I loved the design department where I had started out 3 years earlier. I loved the graphics, the "tins", the product - I loved everything about the company and my place in it.
I'm not sure when the seed was planted. It may have been when I was talking to one of them about what she did before she designed leather goods.. she was a web designer, had worked for MTV at one point, had been an artist in college. Another one of them had studied painting in college and ended up in leather design. I came to work one day in a new pair of shoes from American Eagle Outfitters, had some papers to drop off at the desk next to his, and on my way out of the cube he asked to see my shoes. He was surprised to see his design as a freelancer on my feet.
The seed got planted. I had studied art. I had an idea that I could do more than manage a support team. I knew that I could be doing what they were designing product for the company, and I wanted to be one of them.
I saw them interviewing for a position recently vacated by a woman on maternity leave. They interviewed quite a few people and this one I was certain they were going to hire. I knew I had to jump in between him and them and throw my desire into their lap. So, I pulled the lead designer aside and told her I wanted the job.
I made a project - and looking back it wasn't good at all... but I did my confident best never doubting I could get the job. I was hired! My pay went up slowly with the company but faster than if I had stayed in my old job as manager.
Since then I have more than doubled my salary. I have traveled the world. I have seen my designs for sale on the web, on random strangers, on new colleagues at other companies and on myself and friends as we wear old samples.
The difference between me and them was nothing.
The moral of my story is: I thought I wasn't qualified to achieve the success I wanted. When I realized there were more similarities between us than differences I walked confidently toward my goal. I walked confidently into that dark room of the unknown and built a new life from the ground up. Despite the ups and downs that have come since, my life maintains an upward trajectory - of which I am confident will never change.
If there is anything in your life you want never doubt or compare yourself. You are everything you need to achieve your goals - it's in you now - JUMP!
Though I was head of a department which assisted their sales team during market week, I felt like I was missing out. I loved the design department where I had started out 3 years earlier. I loved the graphics, the "tins", the product - I loved everything about the company and my place in it.
I'm not sure when the seed was planted. It may have been when I was talking to one of them about what she did before she designed leather goods.. she was a web designer, had worked for MTV at one point, had been an artist in college. Another one of them had studied painting in college and ended up in leather design. I came to work one day in a new pair of shoes from American Eagle Outfitters, had some papers to drop off at the desk next to his, and on my way out of the cube he asked to see my shoes. He was surprised to see his design as a freelancer on my feet.
The seed got planted. I had studied art. I had an idea that I could do more than manage a support team. I knew that I could be doing what they were designing product for the company, and I wanted to be one of them.
I saw them interviewing for a position recently vacated by a woman on maternity leave. They interviewed quite a few people and this one I was certain they were going to hire. I knew I had to jump in between him and them and throw my desire into their lap. So, I pulled the lead designer aside and told her I wanted the job.
I made a project - and looking back it wasn't good at all... but I did my confident best never doubting I could get the job. I was hired! My pay went up slowly with the company but faster than if I had stayed in my old job as manager.
Since then I have more than doubled my salary. I have traveled the world. I have seen my designs for sale on the web, on random strangers, on new colleagues at other companies and on myself and friends as we wear old samples.
The difference between me and them was nothing.
The moral of my story is: I thought I wasn't qualified to achieve the success I wanted. When I realized there were more similarities between us than differences I walked confidently toward my goal. I walked confidently into that dark room of the unknown and built a new life from the ground up. Despite the ups and downs that have come since, my life maintains an upward trajectory - of which I am confident will never change.
If there is anything in your life you want never doubt or compare yourself. You are everything you need to achieve your goals - it's in you now - JUMP!
Friday, January 1, 2010
My 100 Things continued pt. 4
64. have a photo published in a major magazine or newspaper
65. Drive cross country
66. take a course in wine
67. take a train to philadelphia
68. stay in a bed and breakfast in new hope or lambertville
69. learn to surf
70. parasail
71. hang glide
72...
65. Drive cross country
66. take a course in wine
67. take a train to philadelphia
68. stay in a bed and breakfast in new hope or lambertville
69. learn to surf
70. parasail
71. hang glide
72...
Friday, December 25, 2009
Spring Comes When Winter Sleeps
Spring Comes When Winter Sleeps
Originally uploaded by carlindesigner
My Christmas pic... Spring is inside those branches... next winter is in those branches... the future and the past - yes...
My 100 Things continued pt. 3
55. Compete in a Triathalon
56. Be part owner in a factory that makes stuff I love to design
57. Become fluent in German
58. Become fluent in Mandarin
59. Become fluent in Spanish
60. Paint 6ft x 6ft paintings
61. Make wine
62. Make bier
63. Make a gourmet meal and serve it to my family
64....
56. Be part owner in a factory that makes stuff I love to design
57. Become fluent in German
58. Become fluent in Mandarin
59. Become fluent in Spanish
60. Paint 6ft x 6ft paintings
61. Make wine
62. Make bier
63. Make a gourmet meal and serve it to my family
64....
My 100 Things continued
48. Read prose in a club.... like a beat poet - Kerouac
49. Have an advice column
50. Touch a shark
51. Swim with marine mammals
52. Feed otters
53. Kayak in white water rapids
54. Design my own home
55. ....
to be continued ...
49. Have an advice column
50. Touch a shark
51. Swim with marine mammals
52. Feed otters
53. Kayak in white water rapids
54. Design my own home
55. ....
to be continued ...
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