Thoughts don't plague me like they used to. I'm no longer obsessed with thinking. 5-15 years ago my mind was a raging river unable to stop thinking and over thinking. I'm not sure why things have changed. Age? The ability to detach better and see things from multiple perspectives? It scares me a little that I don't delve deeply, but then I'm satisfied to think (ha! think) that I am achieving some sort of zen state - zazen? I guess it's not zazen really or a zen mind because I'm not practicing sitting meditation, but this might be a good time to try.
I'm in a relationship. I'm not trying to change her. I'm not even exactly trying to understand her from my own perspective. I'm not obsessing over our differences too often. I'm not battling the little things that I would have so much.
A thought by Alice Walker come to mind (ah, thinking again):
"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow."
In all relationships there is the desire by one or the other for adjustment or change.... there is the voice that must be heard or the thoughts that want to come forward, but it's not always necessary. My mind is quieter than it used to be - my expectations are only for respect and love and some affection. My expectation is also that I won't demand it but learn to see how it is given by her and appreciate her for how it is given - not thinking too much about how it isn't.
No comments:
Post a Comment